She Loves Dressing Him Like a Woman Porn
The Male Gaze vs. Female Gaze
What men think women find attractive vs. what women truly find attractive
A few weeks back, right after the Italian rock band, Maneskin had won the Eurovision, TikTok was going crazy over the band leader, Damiano David. I have never seen women all over the world collectively come together and thirst over a man since Harry Styles was first introduced to the world.
And in fact, everyone has been comparing Damiano David to Harry Styles and Timothee Chalamet, the feminine, soft men that every woman has a sweet spot for.
Now, my younger brother, quite unhappily, asked me what his appeal was. As we were making lunch, he questioned, "Why is he so hot to you? He's neither fit nor strong, doesn't even look like a real man."
Carefully I put the knife down on the counter and turned to him, ready to give a little lesson on what women truly find attractive in a man.
The male gaze
The male gaze is a term in the film industry used to describe how the viewer should see the things presented to him through the lens of the heterosexual male.
Think of any movies that were directed by men, and you'll find that most often than not, they're filmed in a way that pleasures the male viewer, enticing them to watch the movie.
For example, Harley Quinns' character in Suicide Squad was painted fully through the male gaze to be appealing and sexual for the male audience. While in the cartoons, her character often wore a clown-inspired costume that barely showed any skin. In the Suicide Squad, she was almost naked, clearly dressed to please men.
The male gaze is prominent everywhere in media, not only in movies. In ads, magazine covers, books, everywhere we turn, we have a life shaped by the male gaze.
Beauty standards for women are heavily catered towards the male gaze, with lean figures, perfect blond hair, and hairless bodies. Women are reduced to nothing except their looks, completely losing the sense of humanity and having a personality of their own, not just a personality that compliments the man.
But the male gaze also sets beauty standards for men.
We are conditioned to believe that men like Chris Evans, Vin Diesel, or Chris Hemsworth are the epitome of the perfect man. The strong, masculine, manly men are always there to protect women and barely fit through the door with their broad shoulders. Men who are quite the opposite to Maneskin leader Damiano David, who paints his nails and wears eyeliner. Ah, and also wears high-heels.
No wonder my younger brother, like so many other younger men, was confused at the frenzy from women who all were drooling, over Damiano, completely ignoring the "gym bros" who we are expected by society to drool over.
Once again, men found themselves scratching their heads, shrugging their shoulders at women and their needs, completely ignoring the fact that the male gaze might not be the same as the female gaze.
The female gaze
The female gaze was the term created by feminist film theorist Laura Mulvey, who used it to counter the male gaze in movies. As you can imagine, the female gaze in the films was quite the opposite of the male gaze.
If we come back to the same example of Harley Quinn, in the Birds of Prey movie, which was directed and written by women (Cathy Yan and Christina Hodson), Harley was painted through the female gaze, and let me tell you, it made the character lose a lot of appeal for men.
Suddenly, Harley wasn't the hot, half-naked crazy chick who men would have loved to bang. She was just… a crazy chick. Because she wore pants instead of panties and was more cartoonish than porn-ish.
In our day-to-day life, the female gaze and male gaze are quite a bit different. In media, you can clearly see that when a woman is not placed as a sex object, it means that it's not catered towards men.
Even when we think about fashion, there is a huge difference between what women prefer versus what men prefer. High-heels, tight clothing, and sundresses are what men prefer to see on women. Mom jeans, creepers, and weird shapeless tops are what women find stylish and fashionable to wear.
When it comes to beauty standards, the difference between the male gaze and the female gaze becomes incredibly prominent. The majority of women don't find alpha gym bros attractive. Not anymore.
Just remember how women went crazy over Harry Styles wearing the skirt on his Vogue cover. Men were appalled while women were screaming that this is what they want.
Women are looking for a man who wears eyeliner, who paints his nails, who wears his hair longer instead of cutting it short. They're looking for men who wear pastels and are not afraid to dress something different than the regular male clothing that we see at Tommy Hilfiger.
Women are looking for men who go to therapy, who are open and honest about their feelings, who are not afraid to cuddle and seek emotional comfort. They're looking for men whose masculinity is not threatened by looking feminine.
Hence, the obsession with men like Timothy, Damiano, and Harry.
The feminine parts of these men, like painted nails, skirts, eyeliner, and high-heels, are not what turns women on. It's the fact that by embracing femininity, they're showing us that they're not afraid of the stereotypes, that they don't think there is anything wrong with feminine things and femininity and that they're confident in their masculinity.
That is what turns women on.
The male gaze is toxic for men just as much as it's toxic for women
I had never seen my brother as distressed over something as when we had that conversation over Damiano David. He seemed genuinely upset because he had spent the last year working on building his body and becoming masculine, in some way to be more attractive to girls.
That wasn't his only reasoning. Part of it is because he loves the gym, and another part is that he's able to protect himself from bullies because they don't want to mess with a large dude.
But from what I have gathered, part of it is to be appealing to women. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be appealing to the opposite sex. We all want that, whether we admit it or not.
But a lot of men see men like Vin Diesel and Chris Hemsworth and think that they need to be this way as well because this is what society tells them that women want.
They hustle in the gym, pumping their bodies, they dress like the alphas they believe they need to be to impress women, and then they end up impressing… Well, each other.
Because most women are not impressed by that. At least, not when it comes to choosing a long-term partner to create a family with.
So, the male gaze puts pressure on men, the unnecessary pressure to perform and become someone they're not, for the benefit of attracting women who are not interested.
What if they stopped and listened? What if they stopped and listened and inspected the female gaze and what women actually want when they're looking for a partner.
Of course, this is not to say that you, no matter your sex or gender, should alter your true self to find the partner, not at all. But I bet there are tons of men out there who look up to the male gaze-created men and try to be like them, despite who they truly are.
The male gaze doesn't serve women in any way, shape, or form. At first glance, it might look like it serves the men, but upon further inspection, we can see that it does just as much harm to men as it does to women.
The male gaze serves nobody. It only creates a distorted vision of reality, making virtually nobody satisfied or happy. Not in the long term, at least.
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Source: https://aninjusticemag.com/the-male-gaze-vs-female-gaze-56ed585864ac
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